“There is no criminal offence for digging a hole,” that, at least, according to the Deputy Chief Mark Saunders of the Toronto police force. Though, you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise.
Because it’s that kind of news day, there is little else to talk about than a 30-foot-long hole found in a patch of woods near York University.
So you can almost—almost!—forgive reporters for lobbing questions at "national security experts" more than happy to expound on all the ways a hole in the ground could be used to unleash violence and mayhem.
The tunnel, if you can call it that, was discovered by a conservation worker who stumbled upon a giant pile of dirt, inexplicably located in the middle of some wooded park land.
Naturally, when the entrance to the hole was discovered nearby, the police were called in.
The police investigated and are, at present, kind of stumped as to what was going on.
The tunnel is lit, decently supported and had a separate hole, soundproofed, where there was a generator to power the lights in the main tunnel.
There was a rosary with a poppy nailed to the wall, and the tunnel is within sight of the Rexall Centre, which will be home to the tennis portion of the hilariously over-hyped PanAm Games this summer.
So, obviously, it is time to panic.
And, hoo boy, did we news types panic.
Reports on Monday evening had no qualms making links to nefarious plots linked to terrorism and security experts were happy to to provide the quotes. I mean, What else could a mysterious tunnel near a sporting venue be?
Anything. It could literally be anything else.
Terrorism may not, or at least shouldn't, be the go-to explanation for the befuddling.
This hole was going nowhere, the deputy chief made clear. If whoever was digging it continued it much further, the tunnel wouldn’t have made for some secret smuggling tunnel into a sports facility. Instead, it would have popped out of the dirt at the side of a hill. Harmlessly.
I know it’s easy to make this all about terrorism when we’re having a serious debate about new legislation designed to expand the powers of the security apparatus.
But in this case, maybe it’d be better to cool it. This whole thing is becoming an embarrassing spectacle of breathless reporting and dumb-as-rocks speculation.
(For what it’s worth, my theory: a few engineering students, tired of hanging around on campus, decided to make their own little club house. Because they’re engineering students, they engineered the hell out of it.)